Godzilla vs. Kong: A Not So Scientific NFL Draft Evaluation

How Much Can King Kong Lift? Would he even be good at football? How high can he jump? These are three of the roughly 3,729 questions my son asked me when we watched Godzilla vs. Kong last weekend, and I would be lying if I said I didn't indulge them all. We even got into a heated discussion about how much Kong could bank on (I had an exact number I'll share below), and our joke during the movie led to this definitive hypothesis:

Which Titan would do better on a fictional MonsterVerse NFL combine? And as the NFL draft quickly approached on April 29, we were trying to figure out which grating giant should be drafted first – King Kong or Godzilla.

First, a few guidelines: As our discussion evolved, we realized that ALL combine events were not important to us. Godzilla in a three-cone drill? He would trample the tenons even if we exchanged the tenons for three skyscrapers. And neither Zilla nor Kong stop for a dime, so we threw that one out. We also ditched the 20 yard line as both would be wearing Monster Air Jordans that were at least the size of your local McDonald's. We also have enough tape for the site-specific exercises (namely, demolishing cities and destroying other titans), so we got rid of these. And we didn't even bother to predict the hot-headed Godzilla's score on the Wunderlic test.

That leaves us with:

  • Bench press
  • 40 yard dash (which we adapted to the 400 yard dash)
  • Vertical jump
  • Long jump

NOTE: Kong and Godzilla have had different sizes throughout their film careers, so we'll deal with the heights and weights of the latest versions. Godzilla is 393 feet tall and weighs 90,000 tons. King Kong stands 335 feet tall and weighs anywhere from one-half to two-thirds that of Godzilla, depending on the source. So we even call it 60,000 tons.

Let us begin.

BENCH PRESS

According to wildgorillassafaris.com, a full-grown silverback male gorilla is as strong as the average 20 men and can bench press 4,000 pounds.

w let's do some math:

A silverback gorilla weighs 500 pounds, which means it can lift eight times its body weight. If we extrapolate that for Kong, the numbers are staggering: 60,000 tons multiplied by eight is 480,000 tons, which is a whopping 960,000,000 pounds. If we add some adrenaline to follow Kong's famous fits of anger, we can say that with a clean billion pounds in the bank, Kong can easily get the most out of it!

Godzilla, on the other hand, has notoriously short, T-Rex-like arms. While he uses her to nudge Kong around a little in their final fight, he just can't compete with him on a flat bench in NFL Combine conditions.

EDGE: Kong

400-YARD DASH

This one is a bit unfair to the notoriously clumsy Godzilla on land. "Zilla is a marine animal at heart and as we learn in the film, he is essentially unstoppable in water." The size of an aircraft carrier, it maneuvers and dives and glides like an adult seal. It looks a little different on solid ground. Its massive tail is infinitely powerful like a weapon, but it slows it down. And his posture and his stocky legs do not allow much acceleration. The popular mechanics tried to guess Godzilla's top speed and they got it to 18 mph. Weak.

Kong, on the other hand, can either sprint on two legs or, as we see in his time on Hollow Earth, gallop on all fours at spaceship speed.

EDGE: Kong

VERTICAL JUMP

In the King Kong films, we saw him jump off the ground to attack planes and helicopters, as well as all kinds of military aircraft attacking him. He easily hovers several hundred meters in the air to hit tomahawks and F-14s. He also jumps on buildings in cities and apparently reaches the top of the hills in a single leap.

Godzilla isn't a great jumper, but that's mainly because he doesn't have to jump. While Kong needs to be able to create a decent vertical to attack enemies in the air, Godzilla can summon his atom and deal even more damage while staying on the ground. He's like the old smart man on the racquetball court who stands in the center and kicks corner shots while the younger player wears himself out walking around all over the place. Godzilla doesn't lose anything in a fight with King Ghidora or King Kong if he doesn't jump well, but with the NFL Combine, those things are important.

EDGE: Kong

LONG LEAP

There's a scene in Godzilla vs. Kong that almost looks like it was shot specifically to show what a wicked broad jumper Kong is. It takes place in the middle of the ocean, and to fight Godzilla, Kong hops over several naval carriers and destroyers to meet his enemy. How far are the ships from each other? They seem to be at least a couple of soccer fields apart. So split up the difference and say that Kong can jump 150 meters from standing on a shaky boat in the ocean. That easily brings him to 200 meters on land.

Godzilla is hampered by his relatively stocky hind legs and poor center of gravity. We don't know exactly how far he can jump, but let's just say if he's on the 50 yard line he won't make it to the end zone.

EDGE: Kong

THE SCOUTING REPORT

The NFL Combine clearly favors primates over reptiles. There are no events that involve the use of flaky skin or mega-strong tails or spikes on your back. If both monsters competed in a combine harvester in a fictional MonsterVerse where titans played soccer, Kong would likely be drafted as a Gronk-like tight end on offense or as a Lawrence Taylor-style linebacker on defensive. Judging by the tight spiral he threw while starting trees at the beginning of the movie, maybe he'd snap a few snaps at the quarterback as well.

In a surprising twist, Godzilla, while being swept at the combine by Kong, could actually be drawn higher. Why? Because Godzilla is the ideal offensive lineman to protect a quarterback's blindside. With his huge physique, his punishing tail and his wide set, mountain-sized legs, “Zilla would be as good as immobile on the line. It could protect a QB bag forever, which is more valuable in the end than either five catches or eight tackles per game.

While Kong would dominate the combine battle, Godzilla ultimately wins the war draft.

Follow Jon Finkel on Twitter at: @Jon_Finkel

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