When I wrote about the Kivin method recently I was overwhelmed by the response. It wasn't just that people were doing it—but swearing by it. It’s a type of cunnilingus (oral sex on a vulva), where the giver lies perpendicular to the receiver. This technique is so simple, but for many it’s a serious game-changer. It's a fun and different sex position that allows for stimulation of the clitoris, vulva, and perineum from the side, which may allow for more access to sensitive areas; greater stimulation; and increased pleasure, leading to more intense orgasms.
This simple technique is among the best sex positions for women and can transform your oral game for mind-blowing head. Just like there are missionary sex position variations, this tweak on traditional oral is among the simplest ways to be a better lover.
Here’s the quick and dirty on how to do the Kivin method.
Kivin Method
Illustration by Katie Buckleitner
What Is the Kivin Method?
The Kivin method is an oral sex position that prioritizes comfort, easy access, and pleasure for both partners. When receiving oral, many feel nervous that they’re taking too long and worry about their partner’s comfort, rather than the pleasure between their legs.
It’s also worth noting that when giving oral, many partners endure discomfort because they want to do a good job. They want to make their partner feel good. In theory, that's great, but in practice you could end up with a strained muscle and you may not be able to stay in the position for very long. By focusing on alignment, this method aims to create a more pleasurable experience for all.
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How to Do the Kivin Method
- The receiver lies on their back in a way that feels comfortable for them.
- The giver then lays perpendicular (imagine a T-shape) to the receiver, positioned to face the vulva from the side.
- This may be easier with the receiver’s leg slightly lifted or held against their chest. Once you’re in position, the giver can explore the entire vulva (perineum included!) using any technique, rhythm, or pressure they wish.
- As always, be guided by the receiver—inquire about what’s feeling good, or what could make the experience even better.
Benefits of the Kivin Method
The Kivin method's positioning allows for precise stimulation. By allowing for access to sensitive areas, it can significantly increase pleasure for the receiving partner while giving the giving partner more control over the experience. One of the main advantages of the Kivin method is its emphasis on reducing physical strain. The giving partner can maintain a more relaxed posture. This alignment helps both partners stay comfortable and focused on pleasure.
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Why Does It Feel So Good?
We already know that the clitoris is home to thousands of sensitive nerve endings, but the clit is much bigger than just the external nub. And it can feel really pleasurable to lick around the clit, labia, urethral opening, vaginal opening and the whole vulva.
By licking or touching the clit from a perpendicular angle you have greater access to the surrounding erogenous zones like the labia and perineum (area between the vagina and the anus). It also makes it easier to finger at the same time, as many people like blended stimulation of oral and fingering.
For the giver, this angle is more comfortable, as they can prop themselves up more easily. Additionally, you can use sex pillows (or regular pillows) to allow for better alignment and support.
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How to Incorporate the Kivin Method
It can feel nerve wracking to discuss new sexual experiences and try something for the first time. If you’re nervous, you could always just send them this article and see what they say. Or you could try this approach:
1. Talk About It
Before introducing the Kivin method, have an open conversation with your partner about your interest in this position. Discuss how you both feel about trying it and how you’d want to integrate it into sex.
2. Practice and Play
Feel free to experiment with different variations of the Kivin method to find what works best for both of you. I like to break these down into practice and play sessions. First practice this new position agreeing with your partner that it will be free from goals, then play with the new skill.
3. Focus on Comfort
Use pillows or cushions to support your bodies and ensure that both people are comfortable. A supportive setup can enhance the overall experience and allow both partners to relax.
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4. Hone the Skill
As with any new technique, feeling good in the Kivin method may take some time. Sex is a skill, and sometimes it takes a little practice to learn about what you like. Encourage the receiving partner to be descriptive around what feels good; speak up if they want you to pause, stop, or try something else; and create an environment in your sexual relationship in which you can develop oral sex skills together.
5. Level Up
Once you’re feeling good, try adding sex toys for external or internal stimulation (e.g. nipple clamps, anal beads, and vibrators). This position frees up your hands to create more sensation: caress your partner’s thighs, use your fingers to digitally stimulate other erogenous zones or grab their bum. Lube is always a great idea, particularly if you’re stimulating internally.
And remember, you don’t need to be an expert first go! This is a really simple adjustment to the position of oral sex that can completely change the game.
Why You Should Trust Me
I'm a certified sex coach; journalist; and co-founder of rmal, a sexual wellness company that provides educational courses and products for those exploring sexuality and sex toys. I'm also the author of the upcoming book, The Modern Guide To Sex. My specialty is somatic sex, typified by bodily awareness and the science of human sexuality. My goal is to normalize the conversation around intimacy, sex, and relationships.
